Mental barriers

I've wanted to lose weight since I was 13-14 years old. I had always been very concious of the fact that I wasn't thin, and a big part of the boys in my class sure did remind me about it on a regular basis. That kind of comments really hit you hard at that age and it did destroy me mentally.

Anyways. I've always wondered that why I didn't actually do it back then. Why didn't I just go up to my mum and tell her that I wan't to lose some weight and ask for her help. Instead I put up with the nasty comments from people at school for all those years.

I had done so much research about it all, I had such a good base for losing weight. But I just never got started. And it really kept bugging me because I just couldn't place it - why didn't I just start?! Then it hit me last night when I was watching Biggest Loser. One of their nutritionists said this:

"This is what you will eat for the rest of your life."

I realised how scary that sounds to someone who's only starting to drop weight and trying to live a bit healthier. I realised how that thought held me back all those years. Then I started thinking back to all those internet articles I read through as a kid and that same phrase keeps popping up. You must do this for the rest of your life, you must live like this for the rest of your life, this and that for the rest of your life. For a teenager that really sounds very frightening - and it still does now. You can't really grasp the concept of something that long term. You feel like you don't want to plan that far ahead because it restricts you in so many ways. 

When I help people with all this, I just ask them to change their lifestyle. It doesn't sound quite as permanent but it does give the feeling of stability. No point trying to scare people really.

And just to finish off my post, some progress pics, yay! Quite a short comparison time though, the pics on the left are from July and pics on the right from yesterday. I am quite happy though, my arms are way more toned and you can tell that my legs are getting rid of more fat as well (not that there was much of it left down there..).

WI 36: +0.4kg

I just can't seem to have two good weeks in a row and it's really starting to piss me off. I've started being very religious about calories again and have stuck to my budget. The only day I've gone above my budget was Thursday when we had a takeaway dinner (and I only went over by about 200 calories). Maybe I should start hitting the exact amount of calories instead of being slightly under. I don't know. Guess it's just about trying and finding out if it works.

And of course the female body being awful hasn't helped with retaining water this week.

About happiness

I had a conversation about being happy with my friend the other night. He's going through a lot of stuff in his life and despite all the amazing things happening to him lately, he still thinks his life is a bit meh. I told him that he should be happy about the things that are good in his life, and then this phrase came out of him.

"You've got more things to be happy about than me."

And I've thought about that ever since. To me happiness isn't a measurable unit. Just because someone has a bit more going on in their life than you do, it doesn't mean that you can't be happy. Even the smallest things make me smile - just seeing a baby duck might make me incredibly happy for the rest of the day. I mean, who doesn't like a fluffy baby duck plodding on?

There's several things in my life that I dislike and that make me unhappy, but I refuse to let all those things drag me down. Instead I really cherish the good things in my life and let that give me the strength to do all the things I do. :) Just knowing that I've got my other half and a very wonderful friend in my life is enough for me.

And even when you feel like the world is falling apart because you get a setback after another (because that's always the way things seem to go), just keep thinking back to the positive things! Maybe sit down with a pen and paper and think - what is good in your life, what makes you happy on a daily basis?

Smile people, life is wonderful!

Back to routines

This is going to be a long one. I've had a few days where I've had something happen I want to talk about but on it's own it's been a bit too lame so I've just delayed posting it.

I've spent a lot of time watching Biggest Loser for the past week. Some of the seasons are up on Youtube so it's been a very convenient way of watching it all. While I don't necessarily agree with the insanely quick pace of weight loss the contestants have to pull out, the show itself is highly motivating. Especially with this season, one of the contestants said "Pain is temporary, quitting is forever.". And you know, it's so true.

I keep seeing articles about old Biggest Loser contestants, who have gained the weight back after the show. They are made to sound like the scum of the earth because they have "failed", but this show doesn't really address the mental issues people might have in relation to food and exercise. The show itself is filmed in three months, that's not a very long time to actually adjust to the new lifestyle and stick to it. And you are away from all the temptations you face in the real world, you don't have Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper staring you down and screaming at you when you feel like quitting and you are back with the people who allow you to eat the way you used to.

I mean, some people might just simply be addicted to food, eat because of boredom, comfort eat... The mental cycle is very hard to break sometimes. I think it's just so easy for everyone to judge these people when they do gain the weight back.

My knee hasn't been brilliant either. I go through little moments where I just twist my knee slightly and the pain shoots right back, but after a while it feels perfectly fine and I can use it like normal. I even jogged a bit the other night, it was so very satisfying to be able to jog half the way of my usual beach route and not feel like I'm going to die. And it's the best feeling in the world to realise that your back can handle the jogging! Only a few months ago I would stop after a few minutes because the impact would just shatter my back, but not this time. My head was in charge of the speed, not my back.

You really can tell we are coming to the end of the summer. It gets fairly dark by 8pm now so I need to reschedule my walks so I don't get caught by the darkness every night. I just like to be a bit careful if I'm out on my own, especially since Bognor isn't exactly a crime free place to live in. The area I live in is really quiet and nice, but I do walk through the more dodgy areas and I'd rather not go there when it's dark.

It was the first day of uni yesterday! Very excited to get started with everything. My course is very tiny, it's only eight people in total - and I'm the only girl! That doesn't really bother me in all fairness, I've always preferred the company of guys and even in college I just spent my time with the guys (+ one girl out of probably ten).

I quite like it that there's not that many of us, you get a lot more personal with your tutors and you get more face to face time with them, which in my eyes will only improve your work. It'll also feel a lot more relaxed in general. Our first day was very far from productive and mature, though! :D One of our big themes is going to be homelessness, and our tutor got us to build houses out of cardboard. While the other two groups went for the more modest options, my group went all out with it! It was so much fun and we got to destroy our houses at the end of it all. I decided to hold back a bit because I didn't think jumping on the house with my back would be the best idea in the world, but the guys went all out with it haha!

I'm going to spend most of today finishing up all my summer tasks, our tutor was kind enough to give us an extra day for it all. I'm going to redo all my filming as I hated what I filmed last week and hopefully get it all edited and ready to go by Thursday. Also going to sort out my work hours today, yay!

They're just numbers

As I am so close to hitting the magical barrier of 73.2kg, I had a look at pictures that were taken a few weeks before I hit my back. It was a bit of an "oh my god" moment for me. It really sank in that the reading on the scale really is just numbers.

The pictures on the left are from July 2012. I was roughly 73kg.
The pictures on the right are from today. I currently am 74kg.

Last year I didn't do exercise, all the exercise I did was at work, lugging a hoover around, carrying heavy bin bags or moving furniture around. No proper cardio, no gym. This time round, I've really dedicated a lot of time to working out. Ever since January I've been doing all these workout DVDs at home and been going to the gym for the past month. I feel and look better and thinner than I did a year ago. I can quite honestly say that I'm in the best shape of my life and I'm only getting started.

Just by looking at these pictures I can really tell that building muscle has done wonders to my posture. My shoulders are back and not hunched forward. It's a very good feeling to see this kind of change in yourself.

This top has always been quite tight for me around the chest. But then again, I'm not getting any less chesty in the near future I don't think, that fat is holding onto my body like it's the end of the world!

WI 35: -1kg, -10kg benchmark reached!

I wanted to do a little dance on the scales!! :D 10kg I never want to see again. Considering that I've done next to no exercise this week because of my knee and a day out yesterday (water weight could've built up + some alcohol), this is incredible.

If my memory serves me correctly, I'm 800g away from being the same weight I was last July before hitting my back. :)